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About Literature / Hobbyist Core Member The Jolt Cola of Web WritingMale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 11 Years
7 Month Core Membership
Statistics 779 Deviations 5,652 Comments 112,305 Pageviews

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1000 Words of Peril: April
My descent into employment started the usual way:  waking up from drugged unconsciousness.  This time I sat in a collapsible vinyl chair behind a commercial building.  Baron Braggadocio stood over me, flanked by his two Amazon assistants Geraldine and Heather.  
"Well, now, Mr. Caytor," he said.  "glad you could join us."
"So what's the occasion this time, Baron?" I asked.
He rubbed his hands and grinned with a gruesome glee.  "Oh, I wanted to introduce you to our latest fiendish plot.  This time it's against Small Town USA and the mom and pop stores nationwide.  Something that will utterly up-end and decimate the business landscape of this very community!  Meet Bethany!"
Around Heather stepped a petite woman with shortly bobbed lemon blond hair.  And I would've eaten the lit candles of her next birthday cake if she had even cleared her teens.  And she sported khaki slacks, a neat white blouse, a dark blue polyester vest, and a nam
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 0 0
1000 Words of Peril: April...?
Les Safer found himself lying on his back, looking up at a sparkling blue and gold tile ceiling.
"Where am I, Toto?" he whispered.
Slowly rising from the very soft, wide matress, Les let the plush, thick, quilted, almost pillow-like comforter slide down a little. He saw he was still in his boxer briefs.
A soft hand rested on his right shoulder. “Please,” a young woman's voice gently urged, “rest.”
To his right, Les saw a long-haired, attractive if pleasantly plump Korean woman at his bedside. She said, “You were nearly frozen to death when Chun Hei brought you in.”
“Chun Hei?” he asked.
“The woman who broke out of that prison, found you tied to that tree, and brought you here.”
Les looked around. He was in a big bed in a room with a lot of pastel colors, floral decor, and the occasional large plush animal doll. He then focused on the girl. “Is this her bedroom?”
“No, actually, i
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 0 7
1000 Words of Peril: March
Mr. and Mrs. Godwin sat in front of the television.  They were thankful that they still could pick up local digital broadcasts since they cut the cord to subscription TV. But they sure didn't like what was unfolding on the screen. Throngs of young adults milled around the campus quad and the stage out on the grass.
“Oh, dear,” Mumzy said. “Is our daughter in that mess?”
Raymond patted her hand. “Cherry's smart,” he reassured. “She's also bigger and stronger than ever. And she's level headed. She should be fine.”
But then he spotted something in the crowd that made him bite his tongue. Because he knew if he pointed it out, Mumzy would be frantic.
Two students had their hoods pulled up. And one had on a Guy Fawkes mask while the other had dark goggles, and a bandanna pulled over the nose a
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 0 0
Cherry and the 'He's Gay' Guy
"Look, there he is!"
"Is that him?"
"Sure looks like him."
"Yeah!  That's the 'He's Gay' guy!"
Growing very self-centered with his coffee and strawberry pastry, Gary McGregor pulled his hoodie's cowl over his head and tried to flag a server to get a to-go box and cup.  He was now wishing he'd never said that catch phrase in the first place.
The yokel that said Gary's involuntary web nickname came up to his table.  "C'mon, say it!"
He quickly turned to the register and counter.  "Excuse me, can I get this to go, please?"
"Aw, come on, say it!" the uninvited fellow said.  "'He's gaaaaay!'"
"Look, sorry, but legally I can't say that phrase anymore.  It's copyrighted."
"Copyrighted?! By who?"
"Never mind that. Legal stuff, lawsuits, royalties, you know how it goes."
"Aw, come on!" the guy pressed.  "I won't tell anyone!"
"Yeah, I want to make sure." Gary turned to the clerks.  "Hey, I need a box and paper cup, please!"
"Hey, don't start getting all a
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 0 0
1000 Words of Peril: February
"Is this absolutely necessary, ladies?"
Wedged in between two immensely fat security ladies each easily more than double his size and mass, the Highway Guardian sat strapped to the office chair, waiting in front the twin oak double doors.
The intercom buzzed.  "Honey? Cookie?  Please bring him in."
"Yes, Ms. Gordina," one of HG's captors replied.
Staying close, the two gargantuan guards pushed his chair through the doors as they swung open.  Beyond, long flowing curtains covered the walls like in an old movie theater.  Around them stood potted fruit trees, stainless steel refrigerators, cupboards and kitchen cabinets.  Right in the middle was an immense white-topped kidney-shaped desk and someone seated in the middle of a sofa looking away from them at a world map covering the back wall.
But then the sofa... or rather, a very, very wide, plush executive chair... pivoted around.  And right in the middle was an even huger, almost perfectly round-bodied woman
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 0 2
Enter Sailor Dokeshi
Knock knock knock.
Hugh Gordon mumbled as he stirred on the couch and tried to rub his eyes into clear vision.
Knock knock knock.  
"Ugh."  He fell asleep... again... in front of his laptop and TV.  Combining his shopping and selling spree with the all-night Princess Quasar marathon was not such a hot idea.  At least he broke even, but he got three hours of sleep.  If that.
Knock. Knock. Knock.  "Awright, awright, awright!" he grumbled.  "Heard you the first two times.  Coming. Let me get a shirt."
And he yanked a "The Pizz" T-shirt off the kitchen table, slipped it on hurriedly, made a cursory check to see it wasn't backwards, and stumbled toward his apartment's door.  And rubbing a little dried crust out of his right eye, he peeked through the viewer hole.  
And to his surprise, he saw a college/graduate age girl wearing a bright red and green jester's cap and magic girl sailor fuku with shin-high boots.  
"Huh?" he grunted.
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 1 0
1000 Words of Peril: January
"My English is not that bad.  I will ask again."  
WHACK!  Colonel Pak smashed the cane into Les Safer's back again.  "How does your plant fabric make people grow?"
Naked except for his boxer shorts and strapped to a simple stool, Les simply kept quiet.  He'd been through imprisonment, ergonomic pain, scorpions, and even his arm twisted by an ogress before his visit to Japan.  And since they'd kidnapped him, the North Korean military had exposed him to searing hot irons, dunking in ice water, and electroshocks.  He still hadn't said anything because one, he didn't really know how to do bodily growth without a catalyst like Tetsuko's treatment, two, spitting back at his captors just didn't seem Christian to him, and three, he couldn't think of any witty comebacks.  
Still, he wondered how they expected him to tell them anything if they killed him first.  He didn't think they'd let him leave alive anyway if he did.
The one thing that haunted h
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 1 3
Dr. Green Challenge 1000.30
“Are you sure you don't want me back to help out with anything?” Les asked.
Dr. Green looked at him and said gently but firmly, “Mr. Safer... Les... this isn't 'it's okay for you to have a free personal day if you don't feel like coming into work.'  It's 'for the next twenty-four hours, I don't want you around here.  Find a place you like, hang out there, and be back at this time tomorrow.”
“Yes, Doctor.  See you then.  Call me if you need me back earlier.”
And once Les ht the parking lot and drove off in his personal hatchback, Dr. Eaton Green turned back to his own living quarters.
The old battered guitar case with the remains of his old guitar's neck lay on the bed.  Dr. Green had no idea why he'd hung onto it for so long.  Into the case he put hard copies of forms involving Phillip Emporia that the doctor would never need again.  And a copy of the local paper when Les Safer had gotten arrested.  
There were
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 0 0
Dr. Green Challenge 1000.29
Dr. Green waited and checked his watch.  “He should be here any minute now.”
And soon, out of the fog came the middle aged fat guy with red hair:  Jimmy Dimples.  “Hi there.”
“You're right on time,” Dr. Green said.  “I was worried you might not be.”
Jimmy nodded.  “I'll definitely catch up on sleep once this is over, no worries about that.”
“No worries on that.  So, shall we go in?”
And with Jimmy's nod, they headed toward the Red Rose and Silver Fern.
“You do realize the red rose is really the symbol of Lancashire, right?” Dr. Green pointed out.  “Not exactly a Manchester thing.”
“Then again, neither is the silver fern.  But yes, I do know now.  Looked it up on Wikipedia while looking for a place for your dad to take his day trip.”
They headed in and got to the bar to place their order.  “Why is it that every time you and a
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 0 0
Dr. Green Challenge 1000.28
Going through the corridor, Les looked at the door to Dr. Eaton's hidden room. The one where the doctor would lock himself away in for hours at a time.
Normally that door would be closed and locked. But this time it was simply ajar just by a hair.
Les had no idea what went on in there. He knew it was Dr. Green's lab, his rent, his choice. And that he'd tell Les what it was for when he was good and ready.
Still, Les could make something out. Something like rock music. He wasn't sure on many of the songs, but he recognized some of the tunes. Welcome to the Jungle. Paint It Black. Rock You Like a Hurricane. La Grange.
Les had never suspected that the doctor was a closet rock maven.
It was a temptation to poke his head in and see what was inside, and what he hid from the world at large.
But respecting the doctor's privacy, Les chose to find and warn him about the door.
*** “Uh, Doctor?” Les asked as he poked his head into Dr. Green's office.
The doctor looked up form his comput
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 0 0
Dr. Green Challenge 1000.27
“Right, then, Crystal,” Dr. Green said, as he pulled out the phone. “So we've had the story sorted on Pokemon?”
“Yes, sir,” she said. “Extra Pokemon aren't turned into candy, they're handed over to the Professor for care, and we get candy in trade.”
“And what about what it's like within a Pokeball?”
“It's designed to simulate an ideal, 'Pokemon-friendly' environment.”
“And the nearest gym for fighting?”
“Doesn't matter. We're not joining battle there anyway. It's our Pokemons, our choice.”
Dr. Green nodded with a big smile. “Very good! Ready to go walking?”
“Yes, sir.” And she pulled out her tablet, and they left the parking lot.
“Normally I'd be hiking on a biking trail or somewhere greener instead of Downtown Dawson,” he said. “But I know tablets can't get phone signals.”
“They can get WiFi, though,” Crystal said. “Sort of c
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 1 0
Dr. Green Challenge 1000.26
At last, Dr. Green had caved in, checked out of the bed and breakfast early, and went back to his old bedroom in his parents' home.
And as he lay down to nestle in for some sleep, he rediscovered an old favorite of his: the encyclopedias.
He really loved those things. He could stay up all night reading them. Heck, he did when he was a lad. His dad wanted to get him the old Encyclopaedia Brittanica, but his mum finally persuaded him to get the World Book set instead. Especially when it looked like they could stay up to date with the Year Books.
And this was way before TV Tropes or Wikipedia. Some times he'd just nestle in his room all afternoon and read article after article. Just pick a letter or volume, and leaf through what was there. It was very addicting. Not quite at his fingertips instantly with a mouse's click; he had to flip through it. But it was a fun thing. And he loved impressing his teachers, and sometimes the friends he had, with the latest nugget of knowledge he'd mined
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 2 1
Dr. Green Challenge 1000.25
“Ow... ow... ow...” went Dr. Green as he staggered forward and walked funnily down the sidewalk.
“Copy that,” went Les Safer as he followed slowly. “Ow.”
Cousin James covered his mouth and silently mouthed to the poker faced Uncle Charles, “Rookies.”
“All that riding was fun,” Les said, “but sheesh, I'm paying for it.”
“Should we get you wheelchairs?” James asked good-naturedly.
Les thought Dr. Green grumbled something about where they could put the wheelchairs, but he couldn't make it out. And anyway, the doctor quickly said, “I'll soon get to my preferred ride soon enough.”
And pretty soon, they came to a storage garage nearby a fixed-up housing development.
“So this is where the famed Green Machine is?” Uncle Charles asked.
“Famed, I don't know about,” Dr. Green said simply. “But it is mine.”
And he raised the garage door and revealed a 1974 Mini Cooper
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 0 0
Dr. Green Challenge 1000.24
Just as Dr. Eaton Green gave thanks to whomever or whatever that his Mum couldn't show any photos of his early Halloween costumes as meat animals with the placard reading “Don't Eat Me, Please!” (and that she never learned that a pack of matches he'd found might have been the reason), someone knocked briskly at the front door.  His mother got up.  “Oh, my, I bet that must be Charles and James!  Stay put, loves, I'll get it.”  And she toddled over to meet them.
Right at the doorstep were two fellows.  One was a man easily in his seventies with a neatly trimmed white mustache, a military beret, a black patch over his right eye, a tan jacket with many pockets over a dark grey sweater, and sturdy trousers that looked like they'd be at home either in a dinner party or a ten mile hike.
Right alongside him was a clean shaven man about Dr. Green's age with a chiseled jaw, black hair in a professional cut, an olive green sweater with a pattern li
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 0 0
Dr. Green Challenge 1000.23
Les knocked on Dr. Green's door.  “Doctor?” he asked quietly.  
“I'm up,” the voice inside said quietly back.
“Have you caught up on sleep?”
“For the most part.  Come on in, it's unlocked.”
Les entered the doctor's guest room as he tidied up and straightened his worn ensemble in the mirror.  “Heard you had trouble adjusting to GMT.”
“A bit of jet lag.  Not used to international travel.  You fare better?”
“A bit.  Went to church while you were still asleep.”
“Ah.  You go to the Anglican one on the corner?  Wonderful history it has.”
“Actually, I went to the Song of David Church in the Theatre.”
“Huh.  I thought they were meeting in a storefront somewhere.” Satisfied with his appearance, Dr. Green led the way out the door and into the hall.  “Have you had lunch yet?”
“Had a number of people at the
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 1 0
Dr. Green Challenge 1000.22
On a blustery October day, Dr. Green knocked on Jimmy's door.  From inside the apartment, a voice moaned, “All right, all right, keep you shirt on.”  Some footsteps later, a fat, bleary, exhausted yet surprised middle aged man in blue jeans and a button down shirt beheld his original character.  
“Huh?  Dr. Green?  What are you doing here?”
“Waiting for my story,” the doctor said wryly.  “Oh, and I'm doing fine, thanks for asking.”
“Sorry,” Jimmy said.  “Please come in but excuse the mess.”
As the doctor made his way in, Jimmy cleared some stuff off the couch and made room for his guest to sit.  “So why haven't you written anything yet?”
“I'm sorry, but I've got a splitting headache.”
“Oh dear.”
“Yeah, I've been trying to work overtime, commuting, getting in an exercise program, seeing Ma and Dad to feed their dogs and help with erran
:iconjimmydimples:JimmyDimples 0 1

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'Twas the night before Pirate Christmas
‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the ship
The wind gently stirred, and the sea waters dripped.
A stocking cap hung on the mast without care
‘cause Darby’d been drinking when last he’d been there.
The crew in their hammocks were nestled, and snoring
While in their heads visions of treasure were roaring
And wrapped in my coat and my fine feathered cap,
I had just settled down for a look at a map.
When out on the deck there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter.
Away to my cabin door I flew like a gull,
I drew out my sword and scanned from stern to hull.
The moon on the planks of the fair Mystic’s Dream
Lit the wood with a shine, and made cannons to gleam,
When what with my wandering eyes should I sight,
But a ship to portside with sails striped red and white!
With a little old Captain, so lively and quick,
I suspected at once it must be St. Nick,
Over waves like dolphins so quickly it came,
And he shouted to
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The Worst Thing a Christian Could Say
Came across this old blog from 2012 that was responding to the deaths of children in December, basically describing the worst thing a Christian could say following that tragedy:
As much as I can empathize with the pain of those who have lost their loved ones--and perhaps the wording of that Christian's statement could've been better--what the blogger doesn't quite understand is why Christians respond with hope to things that people would typically see as tragic. Yes, Christians do feel pain and miss their loved ones just like anybody else does, but the reasoning behind it is different.
The thing is, an atheist sees death as the end and nothing more after it. But a Christian knows that the spirit lives on because there is life after death. To the Christian, the difference b
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8 Fun(?) Facts About Sylph
Because I love these things and :iconJimmyDimples: was kind enough to tag me...
8 Fun Facts About Sylph Young
    1.        Sylph's birthday is on October 7, 1988.  She is, as of the conclusion of Weighty Matters, twenty years old and just starting her third year of art school at New York University.
    2.       As a child, Sylph was always athletic.  She was initially unaware that her mother had been a bodybuilder, not actually learning that until middle school.  Sylph actually became interested in bodybuilding after seeing the 1993 Ms. Olympia when she was five.  She was particularly fascinated by Denise Rutkowski and Lenda Murray and pushed her mother and father into helping her find out about and design a workout program for her to follow.  Despite her mother's initial misgivings, Sylph quickly proved that
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Nuun  by ChiRHOKin



Prayers are with you Jimmy D.
Sun Feb 12, 2017, 6:51 PM
I have faith you will meet good fortune, in this new year.
Mon Feb 6, 2017, 12:17 PM
In case a Tru Believa's reading this, please pray for me. Need new job, car, more work.
Fri Oct 23, 2015, 6:38 AM
In case anyone's still reading this, Valentine's Day: BAH HUMBUG.
Sat Feb 14, 2015, 6:19 AM
Well, with the new status updates in the "New" dA page... is this Shoutbox thing obsolete?
Sun Oct 19, 2014, 6:38 AM
Hey, Cowprobe! :wave: Needed a reminder YOU existed!
Sun Jul 6, 2014, 10:23 AM
Forgot this shoutbox device even existed.
Thu Jul 3, 2014, 5:32 PM
Been about a year and a half since anyone posted anything here... folks, is anyone looking at the Shoutbox, or has Twitter made it redundant?
Mon Jun 30, 2014, 8:29 AM
Got the job almost three months ago... WHOA, this thing needs an update!
Thu Jan 31, 2013, 1:11 PM
The job search continues. Keep praying for me, peoples.
Thu Sep 20, 2012, 7:09 AM



Apr 25, 2017
8:02 pm
Apr 25, 2017
3:23 am
Apr 24, 2017
7:18 pm
Apr 24, 2017
4:13 am
Apr 24, 2017
3:45 am I the only guy on dA that couldn't be bothered to do something with that dumb biting pear thing to get a badge?

...yeah.  I wasn't impressed. 

P.S.  I did something... 

1000 Words of Peril: April...?"Ohhh...."
Les Safer found himself lying on his back, looking up at a sparkling blue and gold tile ceiling.
"Where am I, Toto?" he whispered.
Slowly rising from the very soft, wide matress, Les let the plush, thick, quilted, almost pillow-like comforter slide down a little. He saw he was still in his boxer briefs.
A soft hand rested on his right shoulder. “Please,” a young woman's voice gently urged, “rest.”
To his right, Les saw a long-haired, attractive if pleasantly plump Korean woman at his bedside. She said, “You were nearly frozen to death when Chun Hei brought you in.”
“Chun Hei?” he asked.
“The woman who broke out of that prison, found you tied to that tree, and brought you here.”
Les looked around. He was in a big bed in a room with a lot of pastel colors, floral decor, and the occasional large plush animal doll. He then focused on the girl. “Is this her bedroom?”
“No, actually, i

...but it was way late.  I wanted to post it earlier, but I had to feed my folks' dogs and go to orientation at WalMart the next morning, and I needed sleep while I could get it.  Maybe next year.
  • Listening to: Blanka theme, Street Fighter IV OST
  • Reading: Dekotora -- Wikipedia article
  • Watching: トラック野郎&#
  • Playing: Disney Emoji Blitz!
  • Eating: Box of Chocolates ice cream
  • Drinking: Coffee with skim milk

Which is the best headgear to show you're crazy? 

9 deviants said Tin foil hat
3 deviants said Napoleon's general's hat
2 deviants said Beanie with propeller
1 deviant said The Mad Hatter's "In This Style 10/6" top hat
No deviants said Write in your own...


The Jolt Cola of Web Writing
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
I'm an overweight, over-educated, under-mature hick in North Carolina's Greater Metropolitan Mayberry Area, back from teaching English in Guangzhou, China. I'd introduced the ABCs, the 123s, and the rights and wrongs to Cantonese kindergarteners, and am now seeking full time employment closer to home.

Current Residence: Surry County, NC
deviantWEAR sizing preference: XXL
Favourite genre of music: Demented
MP3 player of choice: iPhone 4S
Shell of choice: Reese's Pieces coating
Skin of choice: KFC Original Recipe
Personal Quote: "If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans."


JimmyDimples has started a donation pool!
0 / 400
Hi fellow readers! So on my 1000 Words of Peril, would you like to see the cliffhangers resolved? Well, if y'all out there would like to kick in some points, starting with Les Safer's peril in January, I'll write a 1000 word rescue for him. So how about it? Just 400 points total from all of you great, fine readers…

…OR THE LITTLE TWERP GETS IT! :mwahaha: :gun: :O_o:

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Add a Comment:
KurisuWriting Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2016
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays my friend.
mirz333 Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2016   General Artist
Happy Holidays! Hope you have a lovely day. :heart:

Cherry Cherry (commission for mirz333) by MinuetteTune
KurisuWriting Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2016
Thanks for including me to your watch.  I appreciate it, my friend.
BigMac1212 Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2016  Hobbyist Photographer
Happy belated birthday!
dwarfpriest Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy birthday, Jim!
Jasperinity Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2016
Happy birthday! :D
jawmax Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2016
My pals want to wish you a happy birthday.…
KurisuWriting Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2016
birthday cake  Happy Birthday my friend.Day128 - Happy Birthday 

Hope you have a great day.  Live it well.
birthdays Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2016
:woohoo: :party: :iconcakelickplz: !!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! :iconcakelickplz: :party: :woohoo:

It's October 19th which means it's that time of the year again and your special day is here! We hope you have an awesome day with lots of birthday fun, gifts, happiness and most definitely, lots of cake! Here's to another year! 

Many well wishes and love from your friendly birthdays team :love:

The Birthdays Team  
This birthday greeting was brought to you by Kida-neechan
KurisuWriting Featured By Owner Edited Oct 4, 2016
Left you a note.  Sorry, didn't mean to be rude.

I was hoping we could chat if you weren't busy.
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